HandsomeWarrior's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[Exile Preliminary 4]

People think this is a useless review.

This is another one of these *high-score-mediocre-cartoon* type things, where everybody thinks it's good except for me, isn't it?

Because I am giving you a low score I will try to counter this by offering you a detailed review. You may not like it but so far everybody else's review has been that of awestruck shit-flakes who are still impressed by Yo-Yo's.

Graphics: Wobbly! Since the first thing we see is a rotoscoped hand playing the piano, I was then suspicious of anything in the cartoon that seemed *a bit too good*, as the bulk of the cartoon had a very amateur feel.

For example, when we see that spinning orb-thing, I thought "I bet he's traced that of something" as it seems beyond your ability to animate something as tricky looking as that and yet have such bad character animation.

The backgrounds could have used a bit more work as they seemed a bit flat looking, for example one view from the ferry was nothing more than a light blue block for the ocean and slightly darker blue block for the sky. Very pre-school!

Also, when the girl surfaces after falling into the sea, why is her outline suddenly a different colour? It felt like you were experimenting with your style, didn't like the result, then went back to the original black outlines.

I know it seems like nit-picking but it was one of a few things that made the cartoon feel really amateur - would it really have been so much trouble to go back an re-colour the lines? BE HONEST!

The style overall was nothing more than a lazy anime-throwback.

(Wait! I'm beginning to realise why the score is so high!!!1111 etc...)

Sound: The actual quality of the sound was decent but the music choices were awful. I felt as though I was stuck in an elevator listening to the Muzak loop in the background and trying to fight the urge to murder everybody else around me.

Especially the race scene! You were trying to be serious but it felt like a level of Banjo Kazooie. Not in a good way :(

Story: Cheese + Cliche = Cheche! (I've actually had to make up a word to express my dismay).

Some of the dialogue was genuinely hilarious! Like when the ferry is on fire and that guys says something like "What pretty little flames", or whatever. I actually did that thing when you laugh and the liquid you were drinking comes out of your nose.

In this case I was drinking tea.

Then there was a bizarre attempt at character development when one of the guys asks "Why do you always wear green?", to which the reply was, "Because I like green".

Eh?

I was expecting the first guy to reply "Yes, Green is nice. Can we be friends?".

The scene that really made me laugh was the aforementioned *race*. I've already mentioned the *Dukes-of-Hazard-rinky-dink* music but it was that bit when he leaps off his bike, over a bridge, winks at a fat kid and then lands back down on the bike that really left me speechless.

I wish NG did Razzie style awards because that was so cheesy it hurt!

That's the sort of thing where you'll be walking down the street many years from now and it will suddenly pop into your head and you'll start bursting out with laughter and everybody around will think that you have gone mad.

Overall: I felt that there was a lot of improvements to be made.

The animation kind-of picked up a bit towards the end but like I said, I felt suspicious after the first scene that anything *passable* was traced from elsewhere.

The story might be better if it was streamlined a bit (do we really need to know characters' favourite colours?).

Sound was decent but try to pick more appropriate music. I didn't feel it fit in with what I assume was intended to be a serious cartoon - sorry - anime.

I noticed that you said this was sponsored by NG. I don't know if that's true but if it is then please continue this series, take the cash and then put your efforts into into something more worthwhile.

If these twats will pay for it then take the money and run. But you are probably capable of something far better than this.

Good luck!

RiverJordan responds:

Just to let you know, everything in this movie was done by hand and not rotoscoped EXCEPT the hand. The hand was the only thing i couldn't make look right, but things like the orb or any other animation was all me :)

Also with the losing of the lines in water, i just felt like making her "lose her black linework" when she got wet, it wasn't necessarily being too lazy to colour, as of course i start with black linework, it was HARDER to go back and de-black the lines.

The movie has humor on purpose, I'm trying to keep it entertaining and funny and also tell a story, its not the easiest thing in the world, and yeah, stuff like the jumping over the bridge is included in that. And with Ray wearing green, he's ALWAYS worn green so i thought in case anybody was ever like "k wtf why?" then there, i've cleared that up with a bit of dialogue.

All in all though, thanks for the long review. It kinda feels like you're nit-picking a bit too much but i understand, its better than "hey i hated it 3/10"

[AYAN - outcast part 2]

I have read and understood the guidelines for post

I watched both parts so that I could leave a fair review.

Your drawing is really good but there is very little animation. Instead, it looks like you try to jazz things up by bringing everything into After-Effects (or some other program) and adding a tonne of bells and whistles.

The score you have got for these is VERY generous considering that each part is only about 10 seconds long, but I guess most of the fools here are voting on the effects alone and in doing so are NOT doing you any favours.

You've got some potential but if you want my advice I'd say forget about the fancy effect for the time being and concentrate on just animating.

As I said before, you can draw really well so the next step is to practice basic character animation which, ultimately, will benefit you more as an artist than relying on After-Effects to cover the cracks.

I hope this is fair.

soulty666 responds:

I get what your saying but this was my first ever animation and I did it to learn the software. I thought I'd post it to get peoples opinions on it so I appreciate your time to write a review on the toon and not the preloader.

[Gears of Awesome]

Vacuous...

I haven't had a review deleted in a while so I thought I'd stop by to hand out some free whistle points...

First, I must applaud you on successfully implementing the Flash API ads. That was a brilliant move and surely the only reason that this thing exists. I've heard that some people have had a problem getting the ads to work but you seem to have the golden touch. Well done!

However, this is also where your talent begins and ends.

Graphics:

This is FBF at it's most primitive.
Your animation seems to consist of 2 keys and one in-between.
That means that there are a grand total of 3 (!) entire drawings per movement. Considering that the characters don't move very much before cutting to the next shot I'll estimate that the total number of drawings per 20 seconds cartoon must be less that 30.

The manic delivery of the "jokes" also invites, NAY DEMANDS, sloppy lip-syncing.

I think it's safe to assume that, in layman's terms, the animation is shit.

Story:

Okay, it's a parody so a story isn't essential but I can't recall hearing a single joke. And I don't think that violence towards women really counts.

At least you tried?

Sound:

Tomamoto is a great VA but he didn't have much to do here. Still, it was an easy gig for him and I trust you'll be sharing some of the revenue with him?
It would only be fair as he was the one redeeming factor here.
Don't be selfish.

I noticed that the sound effect were created vocally. Er... that was a joke wasn't it?

Don't be put off making cartoons though, this is the only bad review that you'll receive so just breeze through it and laugh at the sheer audacity of it all.

I would be nice to see something original from you one day because these "Awesome" 'toons are becoming tiresome- even some of your fan-base are feeling the formula wane. I suppose this is partly because the success of these things relies on children and the fans are now growing older.

Will a new generation take there place?

And more importantly, will they click on those blasted Flash ads?...

Egoraptor responds:

Thanks I implemented those ads pretty well huh.

[Hungry]

Yes.

This is what I'm talking about.

So much work and attention to detail to create a perfect couple of minutes worth of enchantment.

I really hope that this does well. Thank you.

P.S: There was nothing wrong with the loading bar :)

[PepperMan]

Me like!

I can't understand why this isn't scoring higher? Especially seeing how a sprite movie can somehow score 4.20 +

The world is full of soulless twats, alas.

Review:

There was some nice and smooth animation and overall it had a very funny little story.

You should upload those other movies you were talking about. So what if they aren't in English? You've got skills - share them!
There are plenty of foreign language cartoons that people enjoy even if they can't understand every single word. Go for it!

I enjoyed this cartoon very much! Thank you!

MisterHerbal responds:

Thanks a lot. I really appreciated your feedback. I feel the same about what you just stated. I put my heart and soul in animation, dedicate my life to it and try to make a living from it. Some people just feel the need to disrespect maybe, I dont mind people not liking my stuff but this is an animator's site which I pretend other fellow animators to at least see the effort put in. People like you keep me motivated to do more. Thanks again

-MisterHerbal

[ParodyRangersTheMovie 1-1]

Hack Job...

I saw a previous episode of this ages ago and it was mildly amusing in it's own unambitious little way. I presume it became an "Internet Sensation" and so you felt the need to continue the series. Fair-do's but there is also a little something called "quitting while you're ahead"...

I gather from one of your responses that you felt OBLIGED to make this simply because you were sponsored and that you needed the cash for rent/bills/student fees etc. I can't blame you for taking the money, MAN, if these cunts paid me to churn out some half arsed parody for cash I'd probably do it too.

But therein lies the problem. This submission has no soul. It really does feel like a retread of a once novel idea being dragged through the grind-mill for the sake of money and not love.

You have even described this as a "Newgrounds Audience" cartoon, which is surely a fucking polite euphemism! If I was making something like this I'd make no bones about the fact that this was just a piece of shit that only 13 year old spastics would approve of!

You're diplomacy is commendable (and lucrative!).

You seem eager to concentrate on your own original projects and have hinted that this was something you really didn't have your heart set on. You've been decent enough to be honest and you have the brains not to let high-scores and front-page delude you into thinking that this is all that you are capable of. In fact, you've displayed some reasonable animation skills in this and I would be much more inclined take an original piece of work from you seriously than have you churn out more of these "wacky" parodies.

My review may seem harsh but I feel that you may agree with some of the things I say and, if anything, will hopefully act as a kick-up-the-arse to get you on the road to making the great flash animations that you are clearly capable of.

Review.

Graphics: Not bad, a bit lazy here and there but there was a hint of good animation bubbling 'neath the surface. I know that you weren't going for high art here so overall they did their job.
The frame-by-frame was overall pretty good.

Sound: Good actors. Crap script. The delivery was also difficult to follow- do they have to talk so fast?
The actual audio quality was good.

Story: There isn't going to be a story is there?

Overall:

From the "Opening Crawl" I knew that this wasn't the cartoon for me. It felt as if the words were scrolling so slowly for no other reason than to use up frames. The voice actress also sounded a bit embarrassed by what she was saying. Fuck, if she's embarrassed then how do you think we feel?

Also, if you attempt an "Opening Crawl" again at least find yourself some designer fonts to make it look more unique. Standard, default Times Roman is a bit lame especially when there is nothing else to look at.

There wasn't much content in the cartoon but I realise that this is part one of a bigger picture. I'm still unsure why the file is so large for only a five minute cartoon? It wasn't as if there was any intense action going on- it was just characters talking.

You never explained to that one reviewer why the cartoon ends on a blank screen. You told him to read through a blog post. Fuck off! You can explain it to him in a response or your authors comments. Why should he have to trawl through blog posts to find the appropriate paragraph where you squirm out of ending the cartoon properly? Is it too much to ask to loop back to the pre-loader?

You can make all the excuses you like but at the end of the day it makes the cartoon look cheap.

Anyway, I must end this fucking helpful review by saying that I probably won't be watching the other episodes in the series but when you do finally get around to some original work I will take the time to check it out. I have no doubt that you can do something genuinely worthwhile when you are motivated by your own instincts and ideas rather than money.

Kirbopher responds:

Sounds fair to me. Thanks for takin' the time.

[Spider-Man WOOH! 1A]

I'm craving Dr. Pepper............................

That was great! This should really be scoring a lot higher!

I liked the editing of the video - it gave it a really mad feel. I've seen similar dubs to this but nobody has ever bothered to do that before so kudos good sir. It really adds to the comedy.

The voices were great too, you even got Peter down and especially J.Jonah Jameson. Even the way you did the black guy (I'm not sure if he was ever given a name in the films?).

Next time it would be even better if you whack up the audio quality- the voice acting is much too good to lose due to low bit-rate.

There are always going to be a few dicks moaning that this doesn't belong here because "it's not flash!?!?" They are usually the same pricks who don't even contribute to the site- just check their profiles! All I saw were tumbleweeds!

I'll be looking out for more of these in the future!

Dekathos responds:

You sir are a classy fellow. Ha. And I said the same thing even before I read this! Yeah his name is Joe "Robbie" Robertson. A genuine Spidey character. I'm always sorry to hear about the audio because I've been getting those complaints for a while now even though my methods change every time I put something out. I figured people weren't going to like it and this time it's worse cause I was sorta worried about raising the file size. Next cartoon I do I will promise the best sound I can. I really don't want to make a habit of it. Thanks for the considerate words.

[Sonic Shorts: Volume 4]

Like Sonic I didn't chuckle...

When I started watching this I felt full of energy and life but now I feel tired and lethargic.

Why have you chosen Sonic as your subject matter? I don't see the comical opportunities. He runs fast. Collects coins.

Some of the graphics were good. Some of the graphics were bad.
It was nicely presented.
It seems that with a lot of these collabs some people are willing to muck-in but others get lazy knowing that they'll probably end up with an award of front-page on the back of other peoples work.
My suggestion would be to weed out the weaker players and tell them that if they don't pull there socks up then there's going to be "no-more-Sonic-for-you!"

It was harmless enough I suppose.

[Nico-do 2nd - Kirbomix~]

The answer is, unsurprisingly, "NO!"...

Now that is what I call an ABSOLUTLEY DREADFUL flash cartoon! Well done!!

Firstly, there is NO ANIMATION!

Seriously!
NONE!

This means I am reduced to reviewing the - at best- pitiful, lacklustre content.

The performances were ABSOLUTLEY AWFUL! And surprisingly some of these guys are quite well known voice actors/actresses.
Were these people even in the same room when they recorded their parts?
Everybody seems to be singing at different tempos! And in conflicting keys!
As a result of this I couldn't make out any of the lyrics and the scrolling subtitles didn't exactly help clarify exactly what I was supposed to be laughing at.

In fact, the only lyrics I did make out were some desperately defensive remarks obviously trying to counter-balance the bad reviews you knew you were in for from anybody over the age of thirteen;

"We don't really care what you think, lighten up - seriously..."

...or something like that...

You obviously do CARE what people think or else you wouldn't have been so quick to try and second-guess the audience!

In fact, the most amusing thing about this flash is the Author's Comments where you proudly state, "I worked on this for three straight days...".
Well excuuuuuuuuuse me, Your Majesty!! I can't help feeling that that tid-bit of behind-the-scenes enlightenment is yet ANOTHER attempt at damage limitation against those ungrateful sods who actually expect cartoons to HAVE EFFORT PUT INTO THEM!

Sorry, but I was not amused.

Graphics: Badly drawn still images drawn in an overused anime style with absolutely no attempt at animation. Well done!

Sound: Dreadful performances from people who really should have know better.

It seems that you had to compress the sound pretty violently to fit all this under 10mb and as a result the audio quality is crap.
But this leads me to ask why is the file still so big? Nothing happens!
And don't give me this "oh, it's 7 minutes long..." because you can easily compress a 7 minute track down to a 4mb mp3 without losing hardly ANY quality.

Shoddy production values? Surely not!!
This can be easily avoided if you spend more than "three straight days" on your efforts.

Think about it.

Anyway, there is really nothing left for me to review and I feel as though I've helped you enough as it is.

Still, this will probably get an award and be end up on the front-page regardless so I know that this review won't have much resonance with you or the fans of this kind of thing.

But you must appreciate that if you're going to insult people's intelligence then there will always be those who will take offence.

[Weebl and Bob : Frank]

Oh dear God...

I have to agree with Sir-CannabisClock.
How do these things score so high?
I noticed fairly recently that you blagged two awards for a continuous loop about pork. It was called "Pork", ingeniously enough.

I just find these things so vacuous and dull. Especially when you see the flack the "Foamy" series gets for being badly animated and for rehashing symbols that were first drawn over five years ago- still somehow you get away with it! Nobody's noticed! You should sell your secret to "illwillpress" in exchange for his soul/car/ DVD revenue.

I'm gonna break things down bullet-point sty-lee:

Graphics: As I said up there ^ re-used shapes from a time long gone by. No limbs to animate, no lip-syncing, no... in fact nothing that would take any effort at all. Just tweened blobs scaled appropriately to cunningly fit the screen with enough room left over for those all important speech bubbles. Oh dear God...

Sound: Pfft, Probably the HIGH POINT of these awful cartoons. Foley-wise that is.
I hate the comedy mumbles that you have blessed your worthless creations with. Especially when it seems to be nothing more than a device to avoid lip-syncing and instead deliver our waning attention spans to the ever welcome speech bubbles. Oh dear God...

I would break it down further but you can probably see where I'm going with this. Besides, there isn't really much else to comment on; Writing? Acting? What?

Seriously, I don't know how you do it but good luck anyway on your future Flashes. They'll probably be exactly the same as this one and blag you a bit of prize money to boot.

But remember, they turned on "illwillpress".......................
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